“What a day it has been!” he giggled and reached across the bed to where she sat and tickled her.
‘How does it feel to be Mrs. Daniels?’ he stopped tickling and began to rub her shoulders
‘I am loving every minute of it, even though it’s only been for 6hours’ she giggled
He slid his palm down the small of her back to her waist and she seemed to jerk when he did.
‘Are you ok?’ he whispered into her ear
‘Yea, I, sure’ she stuttered.
He chuckled, ‘I understand, it’s your first time. I promise, I will take things slow.’
She let out a nervous laugh,’ I trust you, honey’
“Are you sure you are okay? Baby you're shaking!’ he laughed again.
‘It’s ok! I promise, its, happiness, excitement’ she laughed forcibly.
He kissed her neck, whispering romantic nothings to her.
She seemed to recoil at his advances, but he continued, passing it off as her nerves.She flexed her shoulders to throw him off but he didn’t stop. She shifted a bit, to push him away, but each time she shifted, he followed.
He was crowding her space. Somewhere in her head, flashes, memories from a time way back, images suppressed.
She kept repeating to herself,’ he is different, he is your husband, it’s ok’ But she couldn’t shake it off.
He slid his palm up her lingerie, and suddenly, it was as if she was ten again, she couldn’t see him, she couldn’t see the face of the man she had just married but the man who hurt her, the one who forced, who hit who…
“What are you doing? What is it? Stop!!’ he yelled holding her arms
“What’s wrong with you?
‘ It’s ok, it’s only sex, you wouldn’t die, besides we are married now, so there’s nothing wrong with it!’ he sighed
“Gosh, you are acting so weird!’
'Its only sex now huh, baby? Yesterday we called it making love, but now its just sex! is that all I am to you?'
'Where are you going with this?
I'm sorry; it's only love making baby, c'mon relax' he coaxed.
“I’m so sorry’ she rubbed her head
‘It was…never mind’ she sighed
‘Let’s start again!’ she giggled and got off the bed
He shook his head and chuckled ,’ whatever you say, ma’am!’
He got off the bed, walked up to where she stood and lifted her
‘What do you think you are doing?’ she laughed.
He laid her on the bed and placed his finger on her lips to hush her.
‘You said to start again’ he said and leaned forward to kiss her.
She giggled and wrapped her arm around his neck, in the pit of her belly, it just didn’t seem right but she smiled anyways
Her palms were sweaty, beads of sweat appeared on her forehead.
She giggled some more, to ease out the tension she was feeling.
He leaned to kiss her neck, but it just made her recoil, memories, haunting memories she had suppressed now danced around in the rooms light.
People, places, faces, she tried to push to the rear of her thoughts
'Focus, focus, he is the one you love', she chanted in her mind.
As his hand slid from her neck down, all she could think of was another time, another place, but there was no compassion in this scene, slaps and punches, blood and sweat choked her.
She coughed as if the smell was present in the room; balling her palms into fits she pushed him off her again.
He sighed, “what is wrong?’ his growing impatience becoming obvious
‘Nothing, I guess I am tired!’ she faked a smile
‘Tired?’ he stared at her intently.
‘Yea! Tired’ she faked a yawn.
'long long day, all that dancing you know!' she smiled tightly and nodded
‘I’m not stupid, you know! We have been together for over 6 years, I think I Know when my best friend is worried.’
‘It’s nothing, really, it isn’t.’ she got up and walked to the bathroom
“Like I said, I am just tired, you know’ she turned the faucet and played with the running water
‘It’s nothing? You’re tired?’
‘Yea, you know, all that dancing, getting in and out of clothes, greeting people, tiring. I am sooo tired dear’
Tired?’ he repeated as if he hadn’t heard her
‘Yes, honey, arent you tired as well? she sighed
can we do this, this whole thing tomorrow?’
‘We are married, and the best excuse you can come up with is that you are tired?’
He walked to the bathroom,’ we haven’t even been married more that 24hours and the excuses begin’
She looked at him and laughed’ you know what I mean. please, tomorrow?’
‘It doesn’t make any sense to me, you are hiding something, and I don’t like it’
‘Nothings the matter baby. Im just tired so drop it, please!’
‘Look at me! What’s the problem?
Sweetheart, why we are here, if you can’t talk to me? Why are we married then?’
'Because nothings the matter baby, did you hear me say that I am tired. why are you trying to create something out of nothing?'
'I'm your husband damn it! I deserve a better excuse or explanation!'
‘Stop bugging me, I asked you to drop it, so let me be.
I am tired. Accept it!’ she hit the knob of the faucet so hard, it looked as though it was going to come out the other side of her palm
‘Ouch!’ she cursed and stormed past him.
‘Let you be? What has gotten into you?’
‘Nothing, nothing! Okay. leave me alone!’ she yelled, cradling her bruised palm in her hand.
He walked up to her, ‘sweetheart, you can’t keep telling me nothing’s wrong, when you stand there yelling at me!
He held her in his arms,’ you can tell me what it is, I am your husband! I love you” he reasoned.
She had to retain the anger, how was she to tell him now. She looked into his eyes, how?
She cursed and walked away.
Cursing every man from Adam, under her breath, weren’t they satisfied with all they had stolen from her, now this, the one man that truly loved her, they must take too.
The tears streamed down now and worse she couldnt control it, her shoulders slumped.
“Now, you are crying? Talk to me please’
He motioned to hold her, but she put her arms up, stopping him
With tear stained cheeks she looked at him
‘you want to know?’ you really do?’
She sobbed, the news would crush him. She slammed her fist into the wall
“stop it!’ he grabbed her
‘What’s come over you? Whats with all this drama you're acting for me?’
She stuttered and then turned away.
‘Would you say it already!’ he had never seen her like this before and it was really beginning to freak him out.
Why was this behavior manifesting itself after he said I do?
‘Yes?’ he tilted her chin, to look into her eyes
She turned and looked away
‘I was raped’
'Did you hear me?'
Silence and then he burst out laughing.
He laughed hard and pressured and then sighed.
'C'mon honey, its not as painful as they say, its like a little pinch and that's it' he chuckled.
'Raped!' he laughed again tearing up as he did.
'It's not an excuse. I was raped.'
His pushed her away from himself and stared at her quizzically, hoping she would laugh and say it was some sick joke.
'you're joking right?'
She slumped to the floor and wept.
‘Excuse me?’ He bent and lifted her up
‘What did you say?’
“nothing’, she wiped her tears
‘I said nothing’
‘Ooh, it’s too late my dear. you cant pull that 'its nothing nonsense on me now!' You said you were what?’ his voice rising
Everything was falling apart so quickly
‘I wanted to tell you earlier, but I was scared you will leave me, and I couldn’t bare the thought’ she sobbed.
‘Oh really? But now that we are married, it’s suddenly the appropriate time, no?’
He let out a cynical laugh
'I-I cant deal with this right now, mehn' he chuckled
'like this is just....'
he turned and walked to the door, ‘I would never have thought that you…’
‘Please don’t go!’ she called out
“excuse me? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? You wait, till the night of our wedding, to tell me, of your stupid, promiscuous ways?’
‘Are you crazed? Do you know what love is? What trust is?’
“I didn’t want to loose you’ she squealed
‘Ooh, oh, it’s too late now!’ he laughed bitterly
‘You? You lie and deceive me, all this time?’
‘oh my God!’ he held his head in His palm
Do I even know you at all?’
‘You have to believe me, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want ‘this’ to happen.
He chuckled and mimicked her.
‘And I am supposed to believe this story, why?’
You were raped and you didn’t tell me, the first year, not the second, nor the third year of our courtship, not even the 6th year, no, you wait till we are married and pull this façade of being...’
He could barely speak
He only stammered when he was absolutely upset
“Please, don’t leave me, I beg you don’t’
I love you” she cried.
“Oh but no, dear, you don’t. if you had you would have told me, at least given me the chance to be the jerk, not lie to me and tell me on our wedding night. Keep the ring’ he spat out and walked out, slamming the door behind him.