Friday, July 31, 2009

Off the Cuff, Yet Undercover

First of all, I'm freaking out!
I totally thought today was the 30th!
Dayum, how time flies!
Eish, and the closer September becomes!
I'm not happy at all!
Hmmm, not at all, so much to do, soooobbbbbbbbbbbb!
That depressing note aside!
I'm off the cuff today yet undercover!
I realized I havent really spoken about me in a long while, if at all even!
See, I love to write and I make it my inspirational business, to be able to absorb people's emotions and write them out as mine
:-)
Today though, its about what on Devine's mind
I'm unsettled at the moment, very disturbed and disturbed again
Very disturbed is an understatement.
I was just on Fabulously Unwritten's blog and she had a picture of a bag she was *hint, hinting* on for her birthday
No biggie you'd say, right?
But as a female, I am soooooooooo dead when it comes to some things, and just now it bothers me!
Yesterday, I went shopping for a gift for my mum, and thought to buy her a bag, but come and see me and my dilemma between clutch, purse(all i'd call wallet!but apparently it aint!) and bags
Sigh
You see when it comes to things like this, i'm like your brother!
You know when you drag your brother or boyfriend shopping when they would rather watch a game! Yea thats me! and it bothers me
I see all my friends react to bags like its walking diamonds, name brands here and there, and I am as blank as talking to a guy about sanitary towels!
It bothers me, that my best friend is shopping on the Mac website for brushes
I'm like, Say what now?
There's brush for face again? Ah ah, whats the p?
I feel very unfeminine at the moment! An its irritating me!
But at the same time, I felt been unfeminine for a long ass time!
Reasons? If you wanna know, ask in the comment box and I'll tell you! he he he
And that it bothers me now!, I dont know why
lol
You should have seen me the day I walked over to the counter and paid for my first mascara
Chai, you'd have thought it was something else that I bought or i won the lottery, i'm serious!
Let's not even talk about the day I used it!
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm, i was walking around like i had gold on my lashes!
Hisssssssssss, its not supposed to be that way!I admit there is a background story to the death of the yay! happy go lucky, sing song woman in me!
I'm frustrated right now though!
I stood in that store for good 30mins, just staring at the bags like jamb questions, for what now?!
played einie minie mannie mooh, father has a donkey.....
sigh
I am proud to say tho that I eventually walked out victorious!!(triumphant music, and me walking in slow motion with a grin!) and must have made a damn good choice for every store I walked into after that, people peeked into my shopping bag and gasping
'Oh may i please see that', 'where did you get that bag from', 'ow, Ben, we have to go by that store i want one!'
Chei, i admit my head was swelling a bit!
silly novice me(te he he he)
sigh
What am I going to do with myself?
I do shoes easily!!! ha ha haaaaaaaa, aint no probs there(except i have this thing for buckles on shoes, I cant bring myself to do it!) (at least that was till yesterday!) ha ha!
and I bless God, for giving me a body that can make calico look sexy!! but I feel like something is missing and I dont want to force it out, push myself and not be myself, you know?
Oh well, Lord help me to find passion for femininity, its who I am supposed to be afterall
Right?

Monday, July 27, 2009

Empowered!!!

Yup
I am sooo refreshed.
I feel new and Empowered.
Sigh!
To think I didnt want to sign up for the program, to think I just wanted to sit in the hotel reading a book while the others went!
Sigh!
I'm sooooooooooooo glad I went.
What am I talking about?
I plugged in the videos in here, so you'll see!!(Yup, Devine knows how to work this blog thing!) lol
video



video

So there I am 230 feet from the ground and I'm thinking,
What the heck am I doing? ?
It tethers there for about 5seconds, you know, just sitting there and it then sends you speeding down at a 75 degree angle of descent with speeds reaching 125km/hour!

With open air seating!!
Do you know what that means?
I'll show you what it means

This is it!
Its not one of those rides that has you strapped in from your shoulders so at least you feel safe! Noooooooooooooooooooooooooo! all you have are the handles to hold on to!
A
track length of 5,318 feet! This ride is insane!
Simply insane!
But I loved it!
Gosh, I want to do it again!!
Call me Krazie please but i so cant wait to do it again!
I cant remember the last time I was on a roller coaster but this rocked my world, It woke me up!
I dont know why i picked this to be the first ride i broke the ice with, but I feel so good that I did
I went on to explore some other rides, some flipping you upside-down, some spinning round and round as tho nothing was holding us to the machine!
And the sugar! lol
You should have seen me, stacking up boxes of cotton candy(aka candy floss!) like I was never going to taste it again!
I love it!
Thats what I look forward to at fares and stuff the sugar!
Still havent tried candied apples, it looks like too much sugar to me, plus I'm not apple's biggest fan!!
And then just when I thought I'd done it, just when I thought it was time to go home
I stood face to face with the ride called the drop zone
My friends looked up at it and said, ok! we're done, lets go, but I stood transfixed, just staring
I was determined not to leave without getting on that ride
Just for the record, I was scared!!Okay, but I put on my 'I aint no punk' face and strapped myself in for the ride
The ride pulls you 230 feet up into the air
(Ok think 23floors high if we approximate a floor to be 10feet high)
and then it leaves you there for about 5-7 seconds(I counted, before I got on it!) and then drops you, WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSH!
CRAZY MAYNE!!!!
like when I got down I felt so pumped, if you told me to punch a wall i would have!
This was one empowering weekend!
I am in a very go-get mood!!
Love y'all, real talk coming up next
August is our Real Talk Month, NO HOLDS BOUND!!! WE ARE SAYING IT ALL!!!
Please send requests, questions or suggestions to oluwaniifemi@hotmail.com
Be -E!!

Monday, July 20, 2009

ONYX(New novel I'm working on!)

“What a day it has been!” he giggled and reached across the bed to where she sat and tickled her.
‘How does it feel to be Mrs. Daniels?’ he stopped tickling and began to rub her shoulders
‘I am loving every minute of it, even though it’s only been for 6hours’ she giggled
He slid his palm down the small of her back to her waist and she seemed to jerk when he did.
‘Are you ok?’ he whispered into her ear
‘Yea, I, sure’ she stuttered.
He chuckled, ‘I understand, it’s your first time. I promise, I will take things slow.’
She let out a nervous laugh,’ I trust you, honey’
“Are you sure you are okay? Baby you're shaking!’ he laughed again.
‘It’s ok! I promise, its, happiness, excitement’ she laughed forcibly.
He kissed her neck, whispering romantic nothings to her.
She seemed to recoil at his advances, but he continued, passing it off as her nerves.She flexed her shoulders to throw him off but he didn’t stop. She shifted a bit, to push him away, but each time she shifted, he followed.
He was crowding her space. Somewhere in her head, flashes, memories from a time way back, images suppressed.
She kept repeating to herself,’ he is different, he is your husband, it’s ok’ But she couldn’t shake it off.
He slid his palm up her lingerie, and suddenly, it was as if she was ten again, she couldn’t see him, she couldn’t see the face of the man she had just married but the man who hurt her, the one who forced, who hit who…
“What are you doing? What is it? Stop!!’ he yelled holding her arms
“What’s wrong with you?
‘ It’s ok, it’s only sex, you wouldn’t die, besides we are married now, so there’s nothing wrong with it!’ he sighed
“Gosh, you are acting so weird!’
'Its only sex now huh, baby? Yesterday we called it making love, but now its just sex! is that all I am to you?'
He frowned
'Where are you going with this?
I'm sorry; it's only love making baby, c'mon relax' he coaxed.
“I’m so sorry’ she rubbed her head
‘It was…never mind’ she sighed
‘Let’s start again!’ she giggled and got off the bed
He shook his head and chuckled ,’ whatever you say, ma’am!’
He got off the bed, walked up to where she stood and lifted her
‘What do you think you are doing?’ she laughed.
He laid her on the bed and placed his finger on her lips to hush her.
‘You said to start again’ he said and leaned forward to kiss her.
She giggled and wrapped her arm around his neck, in the pit of her belly, it just didn’t seem right but she smiled anyways
Her palms were sweaty, beads of sweat appeared on her forehead.
She giggled some more, to ease out the tension she was feeling.
He leaned to kiss her neck, but it just made her recoil, memories, haunting memories she had suppressed now danced around in the rooms light.
People, places, faces, she tried to push to the rear of her thoughts
'Focus, focus, he is the one you love', she chanted in her mind.
As his hand slid from her neck down, all she could think of was another time, another place, but there was no compassion in this scene, slaps and punches, blood and sweat choked her.
She coughed as if the smell was present in the room; balling her palms into fits she pushed him off her again.
He sighed, “what is wrong?’ his growing impatience becoming obvious
‘Nothing, I guess I am tired!’ she faked a smile
‘Tired?’ he stared at her intently.
‘Yea! Tired’ she faked a yawn.
'long long day, all that dancing you know!' she smiled tightly and nodded
‘I’m not stupid, you know! We have been together for over 6 years, I think I Know when my best friend is worried.’
‘It’s nothing, really, it isn’t.’ she got up and walked to the bathroom
“Like I said, I am just tired, you know’ she turned the faucet and played with the running water
‘It’s nothing? You’re tired?’
‘Yea, you know, all that dancing, getting in and out of clothes, greeting people, tiring. I am sooo tired dear’
Tired?’ he repeated as if he hadn’t heard her
‘Yes, honey, arent you tired as well? she sighed
can we do this, this whole thing tomorrow?’
‘We are married, and the best excuse you can come up with is that you are tired?’
He walked to the bathroom,’ we haven’t even been married more that 24hours and the excuses begin’
She looked at him and laughed’ you know what I mean. please, tomorrow?’
‘It doesn’t make any sense to me, you are hiding something, and I don’t like it’
‘Nothings the matter baby. Im just tired so drop it, please!’
‘Look at me! What’s the problem?
Sweetheart, why we are here, if you can’t talk to me? Why are we married then?’
'Because nothings the matter baby, did you hear me say that I am tired. why are you trying to create something out of nothing?'
'I'm your husband damn it! I deserve a better excuse or explanation!'
‘Stop bugging me, I asked you to drop it, so let me be.
I am tired. Accept it!’ she hit the knob of the faucet so hard, it looked as though it was going to come out the other side of her palm
‘Ouch!’ she cursed and stormed past him.
‘Let you be? What has gotten into you?’
‘Nothing, nothing! Okay. leave me alone!’ she yelled, cradling her bruised palm in her hand.
He walked up to her, ‘sweetheart, you can’t keep telling me nothing’s wrong, when you stand there yelling at me!
He held her in his arms,’ you can tell me what it is, I am your husband! I love you” he reasoned.
She had to retain the anger, how was she to tell him now. She looked into his eyes, how?
She cursed and walked away.
Cursing every man from Adam, under her breath, weren’t they satisfied with all they had stolen from her, now this, the one man that truly loved her, they must take too.
The tears streamed down now and worse she couldnt control it, her shoulders slumped.
“Now, you are crying? Talk to me please’
He motioned to hold her, but she put her arms up, stopping him
With tear stained cheeks she looked at him
‘you want to know?’ you really do?’
She sobbed, the news would crush him. She slammed her fist into the wall
“stop it!’ he grabbed her
‘What’s come over you? Whats with all this drama you're acting for me?’
She stuttered and then turned away.
‘Would you say it already!’ he had never seen her like this before and it was really beginning to freak him out.
Why was this behavior manifesting itself after he said I do?
‘Yes?’ he tilted her chin, to look into her eyes
She turned and looked away
‘I was raped’
Silence.
'Did you hear me?'
Silence and then he burst out laughing.
He laughed hard and pressured and then sighed.
'C'mon honey, its not as painful as they say, its like a little pinch and that's it' he chuckled.
'Raped!' he laughed again tearing up as he did.
'It's not an excuse. I was raped.'
His pushed her away from himself and stared at her quizzically, hoping she would laugh and say it was some sick joke.
'you're joking right?'
She slumped to the floor and wept.
‘Excuse me?’ He bent and lifted her up
‘What did you say?’
“nothing’, she wiped her tears
‘I said nothing’
‘Ooh, it’s too late my dear. you cant pull that 'its nothing nonsense on me now!' You said you were what?’ his voice rising
Everything was falling apart so quickly
‘I wanted to tell you earlier, but I was scared you will leave me, and I couldn’t bare the thought’ she sobbed.
‘Oh really? But now that we are married, it’s suddenly the appropriate time, no?’
He let out a cynical laugh
'I-I cant deal with this right now, mehn' he chuckled
'like this is just....'
he turned and walked to the door, ‘I would never have thought that you…’
‘Please don’t go!’ she called out
“excuse me? Are you crazy? Have you lost your mind? You wait, till the night of our wedding, to tell me, of your stupid, promiscuous ways?’
‘Are you crazed? Do you know what love is? What trust is?’
“I didn’t want to loose you’ she squealed
‘Ooh, oh, it’s too late now!’ he laughed bitterly
‘You? You lie and deceive me, all this time?’
‘oh my God!’ he held his head in His palm
Do I even know you at all?’
‘You have to believe me, I wanted to tell you, but I didn’t want ‘this’ to happen.
He chuckled and mimicked her.
‘And I am supposed to believe this story, why?’
You were raped and you didn’t tell me, the first year, not the second, nor the third year of our courtship, not even the 6th year, no, you wait till we are married and pull this fa├žade of being...’
He could barely speak
He only stammered when he was absolutely upset
“Please, don’t leave me, I beg you don’t’
I love you” she cried.
“Oh but no, dear, you don’t. if you had you would have told me, at least given me the chance to be the jerk, not lie to me and tell me on our wedding night. Keep the ring’ he spat out and walked out, slamming the door behind him.

Friday, July 17, 2009

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD WOMEN GONE?

At last!!
I answer the question, Where have all the good women gone?
A while ago, I wrote about where all the good men have gone and the scavengers of women who have begun to assassinate every fibre that constitutes a good man.
Indeed there was a time where we had good men that would open the door for you, pull your seat out for you, make dinner, wash up after dinner, etc; but at an alarming rate they are becoming extinct all because of some types of women.
After I wrote this, I was challenged by the female followers of the blog.
They said to me Devine, 'well, what about us? where have all the good women gone? What has happened to them?'
I'm sorry to announce that they have been brutally murdered.
One by one.
Held by the necks and slain.
WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD WOMEN GONE?
I'll tell you!
You see, its not in the fact the women have been 'played', had their hearts broken, and all that, nope
Its in one thing
True, men.
This boils down to relationships no doubt.
But you see, men have been given the position of authority from the beginning.
From Adam, right?
Now, what answers the question, is the fact that men have 'abused' that power.
Dont get me wrong!
Not all men are guilty, but most are and have driven women up the wall to a place where women have decided to take charge and not wait for men, not depend on them
besides, who is a good woman?
and who judges and defines what that means?
Good women are supposed to answer to the beck and call of men, not so?
Good women are supposed to know 'their place', right?
Good women, don't drink, smoke, talk brashly, sarcastic, and all that stuff
but it is so acceptable that men do it?
What I have come to realize, is that hurts and heart breaks are like going to the gym
it build up tougher flesh, every tear cried in hurt, causes women to say, well never again, im going to be tougher next time, till they get to a point where they are seemingly emotionless
WHERE HAVE ALL THE GOOD WOMEN GONE?
Nowhere
They've only adapted to the conditions meted out to them
So now I say to all men, who want a 'good woman', you have to be what you want to receive!
you get what you give, give love and respect and you'd get love and respect in return

Thursday, July 9, 2009

Konspiracy!

Yes....Konspiracy, with a k
lol
I have uncovered a scheme by the stores, at least so far in Canada
Its a Konspiracy!
Not like the ones of 911, Diana and the likes,(if you dont knw them, bussback, and I will be delighted to enlighten you!) but this is HUGE
Recently, I pulled out a skirt my mum had a tailor in Nigeria sew for me. I have had this skirt for about a year now, and washed it Only God knows how many times.
You see, its a red, blue, orangish, and yellow patterned skirt( you know how ankara is!) but what lit the bulb was that the red was not pink, the orange not yello or the yellow custard,
Right beneath it in my closet was a blue skirt that I'd bought here and washed, max. 3 times and the navy blue was beginning to look like sky blue
KONSPIRACY!!!!
So then, i took time out to investigate(not having anything better to do, and CSI was boring me!)
I realized that the clothes that I had from Nigeria, havent changed
a yr, 2yrs old some of them and they still fit
but how many times have you bought a skirt, shirt or shorts at any store here and then you wash them and it becomes a battle to fit into them
with every wash, your clothes shrink to a state in which you either go on a diet, or buy new ones
ah ha!
can you say, 'Konspiracy!!!!'
I have concluded that the detergent industry and textile manufacturing industry are in on it
so that we are forced to buy more clothes
E-mbarrasing story!
I love my jeans, if i dont love you in the store, you're not coming home!
I love my jeans
So one of my favorites recently went into the washing machine, and dried!lol
and I stuck my legs into them
now somewhere between my hips and my bum, my jeans begged for Mercy, but I wanted to wear it that day and that was that!
I wore them and went out.
Decided it was a fine day to go to the riverside and get inspired.
I was there no more than 30 mins when the sun forced me to retreat.
And then it happened
As I rose from the seat, I heard a bzzzzzzzz
I frowned and shrugged it off
it was a little more windy that I remembered, but I walked on.
Jeremy who lives two houses away from me, runs up to me laughing
'I see blue!' he snicked.
'Blue?' what's this retarded boy laughing about? I wondered.
BLUE!my underwear!
I ran faster than light itself, bolted the door shut and screamed---(identity shall be concealed)
Its a Konspiracy people, i urge you to wear your adire loud and proud!
lol.....
Where have all the good women gone, comes up next!!

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Crying without tears

I promised myself not to blog about this, but its been so heavy on my mind that I cannot not say something about it.
About a month ago , I lot some one that was very close to me.
Funny and bizarre is that on that Tuesday, I wrote the draft for the post 'Standing on Needles' which was bizarrely about death and gathering strength through loss; as I was writing it, I was having a conversation with HRM, a fellow blogger who agreed with the weird content; so I decided to change it and post a poem instead.
Little did I know that my little angel, my baby cousin lay cold and lifeless halfway around the world.
I'm crying without tears
I'm screaming but when I open my mouth nothing comes out
My hearts is squishing and burning in a way that surely should make me cry, but yet nothing.
Interesting that on that Tuesday I was writing that I have had no personal loss, I have lost friends, yes, but not family, I expected the call, all four grandparents are still alive, so I expected the call, sooner or later; but not him, he was only 10!.
I'm pained, but silent
Confused yet understanding God's infinite purpose and design for all things
I think of his parents, I think of every family member in their grieve. You know how, they say that no parent ever wants to bury their child.
I can just imagine his mother having to take that handful of dirt and toss it on his coffin.
Damn, I'm crying without tears
Mutely screaming
I'll never get to see my baby again.
Every poem or song I write seems to somehow lead me right back to him
I am unsure if it death in general that has got me bothered, or the fact that all I will ever see of him ever is dirt and pictures
I dont know why after a month this emotions resurfaces, I dont know is thats the way it supposed to be, because I haven't lost someone like this before.
What I can say though is Rest in peace....
and I hope to see you soon.