Uncut..Yet Undercover....II

**insert sigh***
Life!!!
I feel kinda weird today.
I mean, i just read Fab's n Sir Scribbles' posts but for some reason, I have been having blog flu.
I mean, I have been away for a while and have written a bunch of stuff but just didn't post any of them up.
*insert sigh again**
Maybe this would end up being a random post, I don't know, but please bare with me.
I think what it is, is hurt, i think thats what this hollow, dense, vacuum feeling is.
You know what really grinds my gears, cowards.
I realize that the loud mouths, the one that act all '50 cent, 9 bullets, cant kill me' are the ones to fear sometimes. The ones that act all up in your face, make the worst of snitches.
Yea, I think it's hurt, and a little disappointment.
I don't hope to sound foolish or naive, but I am one of those rare people that expects the good in others; I assume that people would cheat, lie and be sneaky, but I also believe in giving them the benefit of the doubt.
Is that so bad?
Should I constantly be pushed and my politeness insulted to a point where I seize to care?
Lol....
What most people do not know that I would like to clarify, here, is that silence should not be mistaken for foolishness, nor forgiveness for weakness; it took a deal of work for me to grow from suspecting, and expecting the worst of people to this; so heck no!am I going to roll over and let a few insecure, spineless mice, make me go back to that, plus I have also grown to a place where I don't think its fair to punish the world at large for a few people's sins, whutchu fink?
I dont know mein, like i said, this is kinda random
But it hurts mein, i wouldnt lie, shoot. I meet people who daily, tell me that loving people is wrong, that giving people a chance is akin to a taboo, that being nice and friendly to people will only come back to hurt me, and whats worse that the propagated evil of man, is the confirmation!
Who do I turn to and confide in now? Who would say, ow Devine, sorry bout that, but I kinda told you
Shoot, I really hate that phrase..."But I told you so!"
I'm also very sick of people claiming my post, saying that it refers to them, mein, you guys make being creative hard, and the blog is called BE-E, so take a CHI-ILL pill and let this babe express now! This semi anonymous thing sef!
*SIGH*
Yea, this hollow, dense, arghh, feeling, yea its hurt...but I cant stay down.....like a pheonix ima rise and keep doing me, keep loving you(not one person o! before ppl start commenting!I not broken hearted hurt!) lol
Thanks to all who have given me space to breath, but in the words of a noble friend...
BANKAI !
let's do this!

DO YOU KNOW WHAT REALLY GRINDS MY GEARS? Part 1

People who snap chewing gum, I find it annoying, not the snapping per say, but the fact that their mouth is open while they chew... eew!
Girls that SLAP their head, in order to look cute while resolving an itch, YOU LOOK MAD!!okay!
Get a cute lil pin thing thing and gently poke it in the direction of the itch
what do have in there, a family of lice?
People who do not know how to be discreet on the phone, yes, I'm talking to all you, ngbati, ngbana, o dikwa, why o why, can you not speak in the same tone with everyone else! no one wants to know your business
later now, when you get mugged you'll start crying!
FARTING on public transportation, like its a freaking subway! are you serious?!
People who chew food with their mouths open, as in, I can slap you!its not hard to shut your mouth, is it?
Pantie lines! Aarrrrgh!
People who know nothing about what I am talking about, intervening
or better, when you have rehearsals, the constructive criticizers that nothing looks good to, but when you tell them to give an idea, they walk away,keep your opinions to yourselves please
Chicken heads....like why cant you accept the fact that you used to be together, you broke up with him, he moved on; why would you try to make the new babe jealous or start rumors that obviously aren't true
to add to that, jealousy, i really cant stand it, go get yours!
People who try to intimidate me, size doesn't matter, DAVID(small boy) KILLED GOLIATH!
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE!
Facebook! like why tag me in a video or picture, I'm not even in, and then the damned notifications wouldnt let man rest!
GUYS THAT DO NOT USE DEODORANT, ejo, biko, (dont know it in hausa), please now! as in, please!
guys that have dreads or braids that without a microscope you can see the germs partying up in there, like people, c'mon naw!
People who cannot cook claiming and attempting to cook for parties, why now? like bad enough the tinie pot of rice tasted like crispy salt, why would you do it on a large scale?
PEOPLE that dont WASH THE BASE OF THE POT, eish, why wash around it and not clean its bum,WHYYYYYYYYY
Fake people, if you dont have it, we aint mad at you baybe, its all good!
People deciding that they want to go into music, when they have 0 to nothing talent, like stay in school people
Tell me that someone like soulja boi, would have money in the next 20 years,(ref. Mc hammer, parading his poor family for small chop change).
LATENESS, for some reason, I hate waiting on people, like i hate queuing! but some people have no regard for time and even when they come late, they don't realize that their silence means more to me that their lousy excuse; like , i was straightening my hair, do you like it?!
and whats up with America's best dance crew this year, like are they serious?
Somehow, those gay ppl dem are using their gayness to aome advantage because they cant dance, but if we pursue them now, they'll say its bcus they are gay! hisss, whay cant they work as hard as they rest of us(not like I wouldnt use the 'isnt becuase I'm black card, if I found myself in a tight corner!) but their own is becoming irritating jo!
What grinds YOUR gears?

When Prey Becomes Predator....

Fact or Fiction...African Men Cheat
I remember in high school, when we were done exams, we'd huddle our tables up and talk about 'stuff'
One being what would you do if your husband cheated.
So many people ran their mouths, but in the end, undoubtedly when faced with the scenario, I doubt anyone of them would have carried out their threats.
A lot of older women I spoke to replied like, 'yea, duh, they'll cheat, you just have to roll over and pretend it didnt happen. You're the one with the ring!'
But still, is that grounds for cheating?
I hold the sanctity of marriage under the oath you take before God, but then the Bible said that infidelity is the sin that unbinds us.
So is it a fact, based on the insecurity of women who dont want to fight, who are beginning to think 'Well if I leave him, where would I go?'
Is it a fact that, 'Men have this urge to conquer, to overcome their prey and when the challenge is a sexy secretary thats playing hard to get, they must show her otherwise?'
I personally, cannot stand cheating, right after beating a girl, is cheating.
I'd rather you walk away from me, than come and tell me to my face that you cheated, there is no better way to rip my heart out.
Like my brother always says, you dont 'just cheat'. Its not like you stumble into someone and you've cheated!
Think about it though there is a process.
You see the girl, and then think it over in your head, imagine what she would be like, then you open a line of communication, till you both get to a point where your are ripe for the deed.
This is why I would get mad, this is my reason to say I'd break up with you: Are you freaking telling me that at any point in that process, you didnt even think of your wife and the commitment you made to her? Even up to the point of having sex with her, foreplay, getting a condom, you dont even remember your wife, who you usually do this with?NOT ONCE!are you seriiious?
Damn!
See thats disrespect to me, Chai, even thinking about it is hurting me!lol!
Out with you mehn! Thats me!I dont like it when people do things to me, that i know i respect them too much to do
I have heard a lot of guys rationalize why they have cheated, and all i hear is 'selfish,selfish, selfish!'
True too, not all guys cheat, but the problem is, its hard to like a fruit when you remember the day it almost choked you to death.
So is it a fact?, should women turn a blind eye and accept it as their fate?
What's peculiar is that when i asked guys, what they would do if their girlfriends cheated, they were so fast to say that they would cut her off, sharp sharp; and that got me confused because when i asked girls, some said, 'yea, we're done' but then the others sympathetically either blamed themselves or said they'll forgive.
What compels women to be sooooo 'understanding' that guys dont have?
Fiction? is it?
Is the sin of one man, mounted of rooftops? Am I over-exaggerating? Is it society that expects little from men, and so they in turn dont hesitate to disappoint at the drop of a hat
Dont get me wrong, I'm not saying that women dont cheat, in fact i think they are more tactful when they do, but I can assure you 95% of women who cheat, were cheated on and are carrying out a cycle of revenge!
And isnt it retarded how men cheat on women with people they know.
Like a girl he met at work, who just lost everything; and then your wife goes out of her way to buy her stuff, get her all settled and thats who you shag?
Or a mutual friend who just came into town for an appointment and your girl trusts you soooooooooooooooooo much she says, the girl could sleep over at your place since she is stranded, and you cheat with her?
C'mon mehn....if its a fact that men really cannot control themselves, and have this natural urge to spread their wings, I fear what they would turn women to...
When they prey becomes predator? hmmm......

Abeg Hear this One Oh!!

I'd like to thank everyone for their feed back so far! and pls if you have any qsts on ur mind, just ask me!!lol...and no i cannot wire you money!
My question today is: Does Smoking Make you a bad person?
The ideology that people who smoke are bad, has been fostered by a majority of Nigerian parents and I dare say the society.
But as with the theme of the month it's out there, we,(this current generation) should talk about it!
In essence what are you going to tell your kids
I recall a time my uncle was dating this babe, this was smtime in the early '90s.
I didnt know a lot at the time, but at home, all I recall my mother saying was that she shouldnt smoke in the living room, or around us. Zero condemnation.
But every time we went out and she pulled a stick, I got mixed perspectives; some people looked at her, like a rebel, you know, sooo cool, I'd hear ppl snicker 'mehn see that babe!', some guys wanted her because she was 'so bad! as in-'!, others gave a more 'your soul in hell shall burn' kinda response, but she didnt care jo, she smoked her thing and when she was done, threw it on the floor.
I recall then , that i felt a level of 'cool' standing next to someone who was 'defiant'
Now I ask, who determined that it was defiant to smoke, or 'bad' in the same sense that being clad in leather on a Harley is kool?
Seriously!
Not so long ago, a friend of mine told me that she smokes, and I, personally am opposed to it, not because my parents or the society i lived in told me it was bad, but I dont think its a wise way to die!
(It still kills right?) and also because, a lot of ppl i know didnt have a good reason 4 doing it, by that I mean, its all part of this, 'I'm a rebel' I'm a bad guy! kinda image.
But you see, somewhere in that discussion she explained to me that she smoked for fun, to chill.
And that got me thinking.....
When i want to chill, I have some chocolate or ice cream. In fact, just about every time i have a novel, I have chocolates to go with it.
But one image is projected, good, fun and ok, and the other, bad, not fun, oh not okay
Think of all the ice cream commercials you've seen, fine woman, chilling on front of tv, wiv a cone or a tub, smiling and licking the spoon! Nonsense, half the ppl that I know aprt from movies nights, use ice cream as comfort food when they are sad and weeping over heartbreaks? do they add that in the commercials? NOoooooooo
But then you have cigarrete or cigar commercials and there is most often a bike(Why?) and leather(i really dont get it!) or a glass of whisky and a guy in a suit, not the one that looks like a carpenter sewed it, but a power suit,(think of everytime u've seen Jay-z puff on a cigar) and its in slow motion oh!
That's where I'm caught up and need your opinions, what do all these subtle statements mean?
I am a housewife for ice cream and I'm a boss when I have a cigar in my hand?!!(it does kinda have an appeal to it sha, imagine urself on ur CEO desk and puffing in slow motion, I mean that sounds better that a tub of ice cream in ur hand!)
You recall my statement that, i dont like the idea of smoking because it kills, right?
but if i had a bar of chocolate for every stick my friend has, wouldnt we be on teh same level, but only killing different organs?
The same goes for drinking as well, some ppl again, drink bcus if their parents caught them, they would ship them to reform school, but then others just sit home on a Friday, watch a movie with a glass or 5 of Bacardi, are they bad?
Same thing goes for piercings.
chai, i remember this woman at the saloon when i was little, mehn that woman put the fear of piercings in my life!
She was ranting about how if you had two or more piercings, you are telling the world that you are an confirmed ashewo! Like she came and wagged her finger in my face and made a face that made me feel condemned even though all I had was one!
What does that 'bad' even mean sef? Are they the ignorance of generations past?
What do think is 'bad'?
Is your decision based on you, your personal ideology, or is it something that society has nurtured you to believe?

***iNSerT tItLE hEre***

We ran off the stage, giddy and excited.
'That was soooo much fun!' I giggled as we walked into the dressing room
'I know, right!We should so do that again!' she replied.
We took off our costumes and ransacked the pile of clothes for ours
in our anxiety to get on stage and get the performance over with, we had thrown our clothes about the room.
Walking around the room in only our underwear, searching for our clothes; I saw something I'd never seen on my friend before.
Just peeking above her underwear was a tattoo.
I grabbed her arm
'Ah, ah, whats wrong? whats wrong?' she asked, nervously scanning the room.
'Did you see something?' she asked when I didnt reply.
'Whats that?' I asked staring at her tattoo
She followed my eyes to the little star she had on her hip.
She giggled nervously,'oh, this, nothing!'
'You got a tattoo, when?'
She turned away, trying to hide the volcano of emotions that clouded her eyes.
'Talk to me!'
'I got it a month ago'
I held her shoulders and spun her around to face me
A single tear fell out her eyes and rolled down her cheeks
'To remember, you know!'
I stared back, puzzled
'Remember? Remember what?'
'You know they say, you'll forget, that it will pass away, but I havent forgotten, cant forget!'
'Ah, ah, you're not making any sense!'
'Remember what?, forget what?'
She sighed and this time a flood of tears like the wave of an ocean, crashed landed and she wept
like a baby she began to weep.
She proceeded to tell me that when I left, she met a guy.
They liked each other, you see and so decided to take their commitment to the next level.
So they made love, not sex she said
Their souls were in tune, it wasnt magic, it was passion like fire and ice colliding, she shuddered as she narrated.
I nodded
Not too long after this, he stopped calling. She looked for him everwhere, but he was so evasive and finally called it quits
She was hurt, but braved it, he wasnt right for her, you know, beyond the sex, it wouldnt have lasted anyways!
I nodded again
then her period wouldnt come
a month, two, nothing
So she got it checked out, and found out that she was pregnant.
Pregnant? She couldnt be, you see, she is in college, you see, she has a career, a life to live, pregnant?
The doctor replied, well technically its not a baby yet, its a division on many many cells at this stage.
SO what are my options?
you could take it out?
You mean abortion? she gasped
All the Nigerian movies she'd seen hunted her. None of them made it alive in the end, or the ghost of the baby chased them around till they lost their mind.
the doctor shrugged
She couldnt deal with the emotions or the thoughts so she ran out the clinic, to her mother's office. Hoping that when she got there, her mother would be undertanding
Her mum was enraged, 'Ridiculous! You cant keep it! Have you lost your marbles? Having sex? Hell no you cant keep it!'
She said 'it' like it was cancerous.
She pleaded still till her mother saw reason, and accepted; she smiled
'My mother, could be so understanding, you see. Thats why I love her' she said
I nodded, affirmations werent needed.
Two days later, her mum came home from work early and made her dinner.
Special diet for me and the baby, she said
Pregnant women need all the rest they can get!' she'd pulled my cheeks and said
'My tummy hurt so much' she sniffed
So i went to the bathroom, and there was so much blood.
Blood everywhere on my palms and clothes' she shook now
My mother towered above me as I lay on the bathroom floor.
'Ridiculous, you couldn't have kept it! but dont worry, it wasnt a baby yet, just a cluster of cells' she tapped my head and walked out
Left me alone, with 'it'
The counselor said with time, id forget
But I havent, cant, I lay on my bed every night wondering if it was a boy or girl
So i got the star, for him or her.
Abortion' she chuckled, whose choice is it anyway?
What is it when the sperm touches that egg?
I shrugged uncomfortably
'I'll tell you' she sighed
'It's life! It's a living being! not a cluster of cells!'
She stared me square in the eyes and asked......'Tell me what you think?'
Abortion? What is it to you? What will your choice be if you were faced with it?'
(pls male opinion included)**

Hi Hater!

Hi Hater!!
You see me!
Recently, a lot of blogs that I've been on, have been making references to their haters.
Been talking about how these people think you're too this, or you're too that....
I probably shouldn't blog under these conditions, I mean, just having recently had an encounter with these creatures
These haters!
Personally I love my haters
I love them to bits!
To begin with, my father always said to me
'Dee, you'll only have people(haters) who will do everything in their power to say and/or do something to harm you or your reputation, if you are important.
Thats the word-Important
---*Definition: of much or great significance;mattering much;prominent;of considerable influence or authority.
Think about it though, if you were a nobody, a beggar, druggie, i don't know some low life insignificant piece of matter, no one will 'hate'.
You know why I love haters, and why i appeal that you surround yourself with them?
Its simply because no matter what I do, they still hate! I work so hard and they still hate!
Its frustrating at times, but when I count all my achievements, I have to thank them.
I have friends and I love them, to bits I love them, love them, love them!
They support and encourage me like friends should, and when I have a victory, a success, a great achievement, what ever! They celebrate with me. We go out to dinner and toast! Do something to celebrate the cloud I'm walking on, till I get home and some 'hater' has left a comment.
A hater signs in as anonymous and writes nonsense on my blog, a hater calls me, makes useless threats and then hangs up.
****Sigh***
Haters!
But you know what that does to me? It vexes me! Then it makes me feel like I havent done enough, it forges me in the fire
Haters, you're my fire, Im gold!
I need you, please never leave me.
Good compliments are fine, they are the embroidery on my fabric, but you dearest hater are the hot water, the hydrochloric acid that constitutes the dye on my fabric
I love you!
My dear, dear haters, They inspire me to be better, make whatever achievements I have mediocre.
I'm not sure I'll be the better of myself, the best I could ever be, if it were not for my haters.
Most of my proudest achievements are as a result of the fact that someone said that I could never do it, will never be it, and have I now?, yup, am I now?, yup, yup!!!
My name is Devine, I'm walking Gold, and I wouldnt stop, I wouldnt quit, until I am the best that I can be
I dont swear, and I am so tempted to, but what I can do is assure you, promise you that my name, you'll hear, in classes shall your children learn of me!
Till my last breath, dear hater, I wouldnt disappoint you, every flaw you point out, i will correct
You scratch me to perfection!
XoXo!
Your biggest fan
Dee